Here’s the thing: for almost two months I’m a married woman, but I do not want to have children in the next 2-3 years. My husband wants to, but after we talked and I expressed my point of view, he understands and accepts my decision. And from here we start to develop the idea.
I’m not 100% sure it’s the best choice, so I’ve always asked for the opinion of others. I usually do not rashly make a decision and I listen to others with more experience than I have. That was the case in this matter too.
What I say
There are quite a few reasons I have now in my mind, but I think none are as real as not feeling ready. Honestly, although I am 24 years old and married, I still feel a mature child and in no case a lady.
I have this conception (if it is wrong, you can contradict me) that once you make a child, career, fun, and travel (so the beauty of life itself) have a limited pause, and their importance decreases for an unlimited period.
I have seen countless mothers who, after having made a baby, their child’s life become their life. I have always said that I will try as much as possible to be a cool mother, with her own interests, and to be some detached parents in order to go on our journeys and leave the children to grandparents.
But after all, I think you have no way of knowing how it will be. Every parent wants to educate his child well and yet not all of them succeed.
I sometimes hear the children crying in the middle of the street, making a fuss, and in my thought, I always condemn the parents and say, “Mine will not do that.” Really? Maybe so thought the poor parents at first, but they did not realize when the child got out of control.
I have often talked to my husband about how our children will be educated. In a summary, we will teach them to work for their pleasures, helping us with something small, so they will become responsible and later work for a fulfilled life. In principle, I think we will actually try to teach them about principles, values, and morals.
See? I am not against children and I do not avoid the subject. On the contrary, until I married and the discussion wasn’t so serious, I really wanted to have children and I would have said that as soon as I got married, I will also make children. Two years ago, when our friends married, they told us that they don’t want to have children, and we, shocked enough, criticized them. Now, instead, I understand them perfectly.
I feel like I have many things to do, lots of places to visit. I want to evolve more, I want to become someone, I want to work more for myself. I do not feel it’s time to completely devote my life to someone else.
What the moms say
First of all, they all told me to wait. Not even one told me that it was time to make a baby. The mothers I spoke with are about the ages between 25 and 40 and they all seem to have one at least one thing in common.
Perhaps the fact that there is no greater love than the one of a mother is the problem here.
It is inevitable not to sacrifice yourself and not to give it all to the child. But while they all love their children, at the same time, they say that it takes time to feel that you’ve lived your life because then it’s a lot harder for you to make your own life, maybe impossible.
Being a mother requires a lot of sacrifices and you have to be prepared for the commitment. Before settling down you need the time to build a career in order to be able to ensure a good life for your children, to be able to secure your relationship and to be able to enjoy the freedom.
What friends say
Well, there’s not much to say here, they just understand me. They are as young as I am, as freely, and they understand the responsibility that comes with a child.
Not everyone, as there are still those who say that you have to make children as there’s nothing else to do, but they are few (to be more precise 2 of them) and they do not leave me with a good opinion. Not because they have a different opinion than mine, but because they usually do not aspire to more and have the impression that if they make children, they have achieved their purpose on earth.
Plus, there are the girls who have the impression that if you married, you have met the prince of the stories and you will live happily ever after. They do not see marriage as a relationship of friendship and love at the same time, which must be cultivated and which often requires a lot of patience and understanding. They see everything in pink.
What the relatives say
Wow … I do not even want to think about the reaction that my husband’s relatives will have when they find out that I do not want to have kids too soon. My luck was that with all the excitement after the wedding, the subject was not discussed and we have not seen each other since then. But I’m a little afraid of the moment when the topic will be opened, as I will have to explain these things to some people who have been accustomed to becoming mothers in their early ages. It will be especially hard, as they believe more in the way things worked when they were young.
My relatives think exactly the same as I do, and not even my 80-year-old aunt has objected. On the contrary, she even advises me to give myself time to travel more and have fun without worrying about the baby.
What scientists say
From a biological point of view, doctors say that as you get older, the risk of having complications increases, so they recommend making babies up to the age of 35. In addition, as you get older, it’s harder to get pregnant.
In terms of the child’s health, it seems that at 26 are the fewest births of children with health problems recorded.
From a social point of view, today’s society is more focused on smaller families, and women are much more career-oriented than in the 1980s.That is why the average age is now 29 years, as raising a child at a young age affects education, career and belonging to a group.
- It is healthier for the mother and child to conceive a baby as early as possible. The pregnancy and the birth are lighter, and the complications are rarer.
- A young mother has more energy and patience to take care of the children.
- You can grow up with your child and the sacrifices do not seem so great to you.
Now it’s your time to share your opinion. What do you say?