Why men gave up. Virtual vs. Real

I begin by saying that, since I started naturally (without research, simply reflecting) building upon this subject, I came across a guy that is more of an authority in the domain and he pretty much has the answer to everything with the data to back it up. His name is Philip Zimbardo and this is the link to his TEDx Talk –


While he scientifically explains the downfall of men in society, I can introduce you in the subject with some personal psychological insights and stuff I found out down the road (I studied it for my master’s degree).

So, let’s begin!

Why virtual: In this context, virtual refers to video games, and it is them which triggered this subject in my mind. More and more men these days find video games more fulfilling than RL (Real Life) activities. This is given to the simple means-end relationship characteristic to every game, no matter how complex the story is. The player is given something to do in order to gain some kind of reward from it and the pacing of this motion is really fast. It resembles the same motion that the economic society uses (work-money) but it comes with an advantage: early proof that every effort counts in some way for the type of reward you’re gaining (no work in vain), and the possibility of enjoying your reward in a relatively short period of time.

We might not realize this at first, but this motion is what makes the majority of every citizen’s life and it represents the basic principle of how we understand our world today. A better world for the modern man would be a world in which this motion has been driven to perfection, in which he does not get bored from prosperity, but does not consider his surviving efforts to be in vain.

Video games are giving men the possibility of fulfilling their subconcious desire of being useful.

Why men:

While an older society was giving men most of the responsibility (economically speaking), the means-end motion changed today from the masculine linear, to the feminine multi-linear. Woman have finally achieved equal treatment in our century but their movements introduced new ways of thinking and new concepts.

The multi-tasking capacity does not only apply to women but it is more often encountered in them and it is a feminine way of thinking (like Virginia Wolf was trying to show us in her book „Misses Dalloway”). Some men are born with this capacity and some can learn it, but it is not the masculine way of doing things and this, as a result, makes it hard for men to sometimes see the result of their scattered efforts.

Women movements have also brought on concepts that have shifted the predator-prey relation. Now a man isn’t expected to proceed as before in an act of seduction, which was a masculine way, but he has to approach a woman like a gentleman, which is the feminine way. Exceptions exist here as well, but I’m referring to the majority of girls that stay away from straight-forward men, calling them pigs.

Today we need to be careful for sexual orientation, race and sometimes the role that the girl wants to play in the seductive game (predator or prey) which is now up for choice, although there are some women that act like a predator but like to be seduced.

All this „drama” (in masculine terms) has left men uncertain of what they should do and how and video games came as the perfect answer.


Speaking of the whole seductive game, after fulfilling their linear means-end needs, what is left are their sexual needs. You can socialize in a game but you can’t have sex there. Porn is the answer here and it functions just the game.

Instead of the confusing seductive game of her no texting you as a strategy to get you more interested, porn only requires of you to find it online and women there are clear about their intentions. It has been proven that this habit makes  some men  more aggressive in RL sexual activities and some unable to perform because RL is just not as exciting for them as virtual sex is.

All these sexual issue pilled up led to what today is called Sexodus – young men giving up on women.

What can we do ? Altogether, the fast repetitive endorphin impulse that men get from these two activities is enough to keep them satisfied and oriented in a world that kind of broke them by undermining their needs.

I am saying that it was better when men undermined women but that we should really start thinking about our society not in terms of men and women but in terms of feminine and masculine. These are types of energies and they can belong to women or men, randomly, but it is important to understand that their relation determines certain types of thinking and those determine the effectiveness and self fulfillment of individuals specific to those types.

It is not about girls and boys fighting but about us trying to get better and only knowledge can really achieve equality, not fights.

Sources: 1 (also a good article on the subject)234

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