I’m not anything that I wanted to be. Since childhood, we have created an ideal about life, about what personality we will have, about what job, plus other small details that fill the whole picture.
I do not know why, but I always imagined that I would be a remarkable business woman, elegant, diplomatic and above all, feminine and mature. I always imagined myself holding a glass of red wine and a cigarette while admiring the view seen from a big window of a 5-star hotel.
Men never caught my attention too much. I saw myself having small romances, but never to let them stand in my way. Destination? I have no idea. It seems that my dream had a gap.
Now, when I look at other kids, I notice that I was different from what I thought. Our image about ourselves is often distorted. For example, recently I met two girls during a visit. At the end of the day, they kept hugging me and did not allow me to leave. On the way home, I realized that I never did that. I did not hug people, did not tell them that I like them, nor compliment them and I always kept a certain distance. Perhaps I had a pretty big ego since childhood, which I realize only now, in my shortcut to adulthood.
Hmm, no. I’m not a remarkable businesswoman. Maybe I’ll become, at least that’s the plan. My femininity is usually overshadowed by clumsiness. Instead of winning your heart with a look, I will rather make you laugh or smile. I can’t always control myself, nor always act diplomatically. Instead of requiring respect, I would rather make you say “uu that cute little thing.” It always seemed like people were not taking me seriously, so I tried to turn from a little baby into a strong character.
I did not become selfish, but I became proud. I do not mind easy, but when I get upset woe is you.
I tried to be perfect all my life, but slowly I’m starting to settle down. Begin to accept me as I am. Instead of trying to get my defense when I’m wrong or mime victory, I learn to say “I am imperfect.”
I do this for the fear that I will not enjoy life as I should. That I’m forgetting to enjoy the small things or be relaxed. The run for perfection brings tension and makes you not look around.
In addition, when you’re looking too much for perfection, you begin to criticize others greatly. You see your own faults in them.
Instead, when you start to realize that you do not have to be perfect and that the beauty of man stays in his imperfection, then you will learn to accept and love others as they are. You will not play any role, you will be you. You’ll feel more relaxed and fulfilled by simply being you.
No, I do not speak from experience. But this is the solution I have reached. I have been in a long inner struggle. I realize that there’s something wrong with us as we become robots, we lose identity and we love less and less. Everything starts from us, our inner peace influences our relationships with others and how we view the world.
Our mission on earth is not only to work and display a certain image to others. We live only once and it seems like we do not enjoy life as much as we should. We focus too much attention on other things that seem important now, but in old age when you only have a few moments to live, they become so insignificant…
Do you acknowledge that you’re imperfect? Do you love yourself just as you are?